Ten Ways to Deal With Grief During a Holiday
Holidays like Christmas and Easter are difficult if you are missing a loved one.
It’s been more than two years for me, since Anna, my daughter died. I still can barely understand the words “Anna died.” They don’t seem right or fair or even real. I know she is gone. I know she is in heaven. But she isn’t here. Where I am. She wasn’t supposed to go before me. There will be an empty chair at the table on Easter. I won't receive my pretty Easter card from her, or hear her voice on the phone.
Death isn’t fair even if it is inevitable. All of us, if we live any length of time, will suffer loss. A grandparent, a parent. The loss of a wonderful pet is a sad event.
Our world wants us to move-on-be-happy-think-about-something-else. And we eventually do. Sort of. Then their birthday comes, or a family holiday happens and the sadness returns. How to prepare? What to do?
Here are 10 suggestions:
1. Allow yourself some time to grieve. The sadness will pass. Accept that you will always have memories of your loved one on holidays. It's ok. You love them and miss them.
2. Don't be afraid to share favorite memories about them with your family and friends. They may be gone but they aren't forgotten.
3. Allow yourself to share the day with them by including a favorite food they liked, or wear a piece of jewelry or clothing that they gave you that is meaningful.
4. Make plans to be with a friends or family for at least part of the holiday. Even a phone call. Talking to the living is a great way to remind you that the world is still turning.
5. Plan to take gentle care of yourself. A warm bath. Your favorite pajamas. A nap.
6. Spend time in prayer. Journal your thoughts and prayers. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your ability to communicate with them in person, by writing to them.
7. Breathe. Step outside and breathe in some fresh air. Spend a few minutes in the sunlight. Acknowledge that you felt love deeply, and consequently felt the loss even more deeply. There is an amazing strength that comes from that realization.
8. Light a candle or create a special bouquet for your table. Something that says you remember them and love them.
9. Share your love in some way with someone who is alive. Pet your cat. Feed some birds. Go watch children play at the beach. Hug your family. Tell them how much your treasure them.
10. Allow your day be a beautiful (if bittersweet) reminder of your loved one and a celebration of the gift we have been given to love each other.
These gentle suggestions are just that. Suggestions. There is no easy way to deal with something that has profoundly affected your life like the death of a loved one. But finding ways to move forward into joy is important for the other people who care about you. We can love someone and miss them every day, and still find room for those who need our love as well. Holidays are special days. Celebrate them with love of those around you and fond memories of those that are gone.
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